Dear Lord, Release Me From Resentment

I try, try to be kind and loving, but I’m so resentful sometimes. Just when I think I’m free from a resentment, another one grows like a poison mushroom. Nursing a few resentments now, I’m beginning to think I like them. Resentment is a strange kind of fuel. You can keep one simmering for years and feel right all the way. And sometimes you hurt so bad, you can’t help but stew and gnash your teeth. I’m trying to exorcise a resentment I’ve had for weeks. Another for months. In my mind, these people I resent deeply don’t deserve my forgiveness. And there’s a strange comfort in holding resentments. You think you’re in control and on a deeper level, safe. Thus, resentment is a very hard thing to bury.

A Be Love tattoo is on the inside of my left wrist. It’s supposed to be a reminder and a message, but I rarely look at it. If I did I’d be a more tolerant and forgiving person.

In my experience, relief from resentment comes with prayer and practice, so much prayer. My resentments stem from personal affronts, heartbreak and a bad case of the “shoulds”. I’ve walked away from friends and family rather than feel the pain in healing or rejection. If only I had a basket filled with just the right words and flower trimmed cupcakes, resentments could dissolve. If only I had a potion for mending hearts, we’d be coated with love and forgiveness.

Today resentments are polluting our air. Sometimes I can’t catch my breath. It’s time to peel off the ones I’m holding. Letting go will be a painful and ego bruising exercise because the resentments I’m holding are boulders. I absolutely don’t want to let them go. I’m getting queasy as I write. However, I know from experience that when you shed a resentment, you feel relief all over and comfort in your bones. You help clean the atmosphere.