career choice

Can You Get an A+ in Motherhood?

I really wanted an A+ in motherhood, and I was completely devoted to the task. I read tons of parenting books and tried to do everything I learned. I’d give myself a B so far. Emma is my second child. My parenting style with her is a good example of what I thought excellent moms
Continue reading...

A photo of my mother age 16

My Mother Inoculated Me With Love

Forgiveness was never top-of-mind when I thought about my mom. A list of childhood grievances sat on my heart for decades. Now I think about how hard it was to be a young, single mother with a mental illness. Rita did some extraordinary, hair-raising things when I was growing up, like throwing her boyfriend’s computer
Continue reading...

bad hair in action

My Mother Fixated On My Hair Until She Went Too Far

Mr. Pierre’s Beauty Salon was the best toy. The centerpiece was the head of a woman with golden hair sprouting from a scalp. It came with styling tools, but all I ever did was chop it. In my memory there was an endless supply. While I loved my baby doll that peed and drank milk,
Continue reading...

Best Friends Moira and Saye the year before Moira was diagnosed with breast cancer

She Threw A Surprise Party For Her Best Friend The Night Before Chemotherapy Began

Saye and Moira are best friends. Moira was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer recently. And what did Saye do? She turned up the love. She even threw a surprise party for Moira the night before her chemotherapy began. She wanted to shower Moira with love before her heartless journey. The night of the party,
Continue reading...

Emma and I Will Talk Forever.

Letters to My Daughter – We Will Talk Until the End of Time

With a high ponytail, a pressed white coat, and a clipboard. This is how I imagine my daughter Emma. She’s standing in an exam room, a friendly physician assistant, but I can’t talk to her because I’m gone. Dead. The thought is so overwhelming that my mind is ice. In seconds a familiar anxiety tells
Continue reading...

My Very Real Dad

Being Real Is One of The Best Gifts You Can Give Your Children

To be real. Totally you is one of the best gifts you can give your children because it gives them permission to be true too. If my dad were alive, I would thank him for never acting like anyone else. Growing up I didn’t appreciate his authenticity because it included calling out posers and sharing
Continue reading...

Finding Your Power

Thanksgiving Dinner Reviews And Taking Stock

Thanksgiving dinner was very good. It actually was. The contributing factors were size, ease and listening ears. It was just the four was of us, my children Matt and Emma and my husband Mark. This dialed the drama meter down significantly as there were fewer personalities to balance and fewer dishes to scrub. The four
Continue reading...

Me and My Father in 1967

A True Brother

They say there are no accidents. That is not true. I am a classic accident. Technically speaking, I am an only child born to Rita Marie Murray three months after her 18th birthday at Saint Vincent’s Hospital in Manhattan. This is not a joke. She told me I was a blue blood baby. I only
Continue reading...

love heals

Love Heals Every Body

One of my professors has a cynical view of love and healing, as if the power of love for emotional renewal is magical thinking. I thoroughly disagree. Love is the very best medicine we have. Some of us need manufactured drugs, and I take a fistful of vitamin supplements in the morning along with a
Continue reading...